As I look back, I can see the 3 things that helped keep me going when I could have been swallowed by failure.  

-First, my Family is my everything.  All the years I was the anchor for them, this time they became the anchor for me.  They reminded me constantly that they love me unconditionally and don’t think I am a failure.  They think I was brave for trying.

-Second, My friends and their constant flooding of memes. Memes about courage, memes about cats, memes about mental health, memes about friendship, memes about The Muppets, memes about being broken, memes about healing. ALL.THE.MEMES! The underlying theme in every meme was a message of love and building me up. Thank you friends for crawling in my hole with me and tending the fire inside me with all your memes.

-Third- My photography.  In the last 3 weeks I have created some of the best work of my career.  I have taken the governor off my creativity and the results have fanned my embers into a glow again.  Creativity is one of the strongest healing agents I know. 

My deepest gratitude to my family, friends and photography that held me up while I fell to pieces.  It’s easy to keep looking at all the carnage and mess that caused that pain.  Now, on January 15, 2025, I see all the elements that combined to lift me up and help me heal. Instead of the dark, I am now focusing on the light.

It has always been my intention to be in the environments where I can do good.  As I look at my PPA journey, it was never about being President, it was always about doing good for the members.  I can check “making a difference” off my PPA to-do list.  

Initially, when I was told that I had no value on the board, it felt like a punch in the gut. I have let go of those words because of an important quote I memorized years ago. “There is no limit to what you can accomplish if you don’t mind who gets the credit.” When I go to ImagingUSA in 2 weeks, and I see Dan Winters light up the stage with his warmth and talent, I know in my heart I did that.  When the key note speaker, Shola Richards, tells everyone about Unbuntu, I know in my heart that I gave a great council charge 2 years ago sharing the message of Ubuntu. When people have the opportunity to attend a platform class on LGBTQ weddings, I know I fought for that. And when there are no confetti cannons at the IPC finals on Monday night, I will be sad because I didn’t get that accomplished.

I have been in a very unique position the last 3 months.  Many people have felt comfortable telling me their personal experiences with PPA.  When I listen at all those who have shed tears over PPA, I realize I am among some very very talented people & artists I truly admire.  When I wasn’t on the phone during the last 3 months, I was rewatching Ted Lasso.  I sobbed when Ted told his players, “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t none of you in this room alone.”  Thank you, all of you, for helping me not feel alone during this time. Honestly, when times are tough, just being present for someone is all that’s needed. When you see me at Imaging, come let me give you that in-person hug I promised you.

As I sit here in the neutral buoyancy of January I meditate on my all time favorite quote.  Written by Marianne Williamson and made famous by Nelson Mandela: