I love podcasts! I started listening to podcasts at the end of 2018 as a way to combine business education with walking. When you run a small business it can get lonely and overwhelming. Finding an easy connection, like podcasts, to the bigger business world makes me feel like I have a personal business coach. Many times I have been hiking and had to stop to take notes because the information was so important and transformative. One such podcast hit me hard at the end of the covid year 2020. Brene Browns "Unlocking Us" podcast did an interview with Priya Parker who wrote a social psychology book called, "The Art Of Gathering." (episode aired November 25, 2020) I actually cried as I soaked in the lessons of why some gatherings, be it board meetings or baby showers or anything in between, succeed or fail. During a time when so much gathering was happening on Zoom but so many emotions felt unfilled, this interview felt like finding the secrets to improve all my quality of gatherings. As I was listening to Priya's wisdom on creating memorable and meaningful gatherings, I thought a lot about the 3 weddings I photographed during a world pandemic and why they felt so special. Without knowing it, having a wedding during a social distancing year required Bride and Grooms to accidentally implement some of the wisdom from The Art of Gathering just out of necessity. The results of using these changes to weddings created events that were far more emotional, memorable, and meaningful to all who were involved, even the photographer.
Here are a few of the Art of Gathering rules in action that I hope we can learn and incorporate no matter a global pandemic or world celebration.
The Art of Gathering rule:
"When you’re willing to exclude people, you’ll be on the way to building a truly meaningful gathering."
Allison's observation 1: Smaller wedding = more intimacy = more memories & more fun
Small wedding gatherings are pure magic for everyone. I watched B&G's truly enjoying themselves like never before at their small weddings. I watched every wedding guest feel like their presence mattered. No need for an extra photo booth because the weddings had plenty of time and opportunity to have ALL the guests be photographed with the bride and groom professionally. Watching the quality of interactions at small weddings makes me realize that when guest feel like they are just one more member of the crowd at a big wedding, no one walks away feeling the wedding magic. Small weddings focus on the people and the relationships more than the event itself. I know there is a ton of pressure to not leave anyone out of the guest list, and the gift of 2020 was that no one was upset if they didn't get an invite to the wedding. Maybe a good qualification in determining if a person gets invited to your wedding is if you would want a photograph taken with them. If you wouldn't have a photo together on your phone, maybe skip the obligatory wedding invite. Let's continue the graciousness of celebrating weddings even though we don't need to be invited. Allowing a B&G to have the wedding they feel comfortable and joyous about, instead of pressure, is one of the greatest gifts we can give.
The Art of Gathering rule:
"Define and focus on the specific purpose of your gathering and don't rely on the tradition to dictate your event."
Allison's observation 2: Focus on the Bride & Groom's favorite things and ditch the wedding obligations.
Throwing the stuffy wedding traditions out the window was one of my favorite parts of Covid weddings. The best weddings were those that simply took the Bride & Groom's favorite things and shared them with their favorite people. I think everyone loved the B&G's favorite taco truck and Coldstone ice cream way more then the same old wedding food. Because of the restrictions from Covid and the creativity needed to plan a wedding during uncertain times, weddings focused more on being personal then being traditional. I loved the Jenga block wedding wishes instead of a guest sign in book or the bride who just didn't want a wedding sign in book at all. Watching brides have the freedom to choose what they actually loved instead of ticking the traditional wedding boxes was inspiring.
The Art of Gathering rule:
"Successful events need a host that acts with generous authority."
3. Make plenty of time for photographs that capture your love story.
On the Wedding day, it is essential to focus on all the people who love you and have come to support the your wedding. So often I attend weddings where no one takes the authority to play host to all the attendees. I often watch weddings were no one is moving the guests through the evenings events and no one knows what's going on. According to The Art of Gathering, a great host makes sure that the guests are fully immersed and engaged with the evening and having a wonderful time, Priya calls this "acting with Generous Authority." Often times weddings just go down the check list of traditional things that happen at a wedding and don't ask themselves if those moments are important to them. The Art of Gathering gives you permission let go of traditions that are just around for tradition sake and focus on the moments and people that are present. Covid reminded us that having any people around to witness our love mattered and they deserve to feel important too. Creating the bulk of Bride and Groom formals before the wedding is both fun for the couple and fun for the guests too.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, one of the best modern traditions is capturing the formal Bride & Groom portraits before the wedding. Creating a time where the bride and groom can just enjoy being together without the stress of a whole wedding event looming or guests waiting is one of the most enjoyable ways to capture great images. Carving out time to create portraits that you will treasure forever is the gift newlyweds can give themselves. From a photographers stand point, it is easier to create rich, emotion filled, storytelling portraits when it is just the bride and groom alone.The wedding day is over in a blink of an eye, make it last longer with a formal Bride & groom session. Your kids will thank you for it when they gaze up at their mom & dad and realize that it all started in a wedding dress and suit.
If you have a wedding on the horizon, I strongly suggest listening to the above mentioned podcast or reading Priya Parkers book "The Art of Gathering." I promise by implementing a few of her techniques you will create a more special wedding for everyone involved. Anybody who hosts any type of gathering will benefit from her wisdom.
0 Comments